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    February 09

    逃得无处可逃

    生活充满精彩,
    我却总是在逃,
    逃到无处可逃。
     
    懒洋洋,无事可做,也不想去做,什么也不用想,想了也不会去做,因为吃饭睡觉的时间总会到的,典型无忧无虑的假期状态下总是充满着烦脑。想往前看,做些计划,可刚打开日历就明白自己肯定不会去完成;想回味下过去,刚想到时间就已经大脑停滞。我总是能找到很好的理由让自己放下想做的事情,保持现有的状态去做不用任何改变的事情。
    半个多月过去了,每天折磨家里的老爷电脑,老妈总说我一到家电脑就不好用了,可能我给它的压力太大了。改变需要很多的努力,太费精力,所以我经常保持同一种状态,要么坐一天,要么躺一天,因为我真的不想去想下一步我要干什么。
     
    发呆时时常想起火车上碰到的阿姨,含着泪水的眼眶,脸上的刀疤,可爱的女儿,她们背后肯定有曲折的故事,我不想去猜测他人的不幸,可能这就是生活,每个人有每人人的轨道,会互相交叉,但最终相视而去。
     
    昨天晚上开始下雨了,早上看着外面阴蒙蒙得天,心里挺满足,这才是南方嘛。在天津享受惯了阳光,回到南方很想听听雨声,到一个地方总是希望感受一个地方最独特的东西。前几天同学问我去一个城市的什么地方才能了解到她最真实,最独特的一面,我说大街小巷的逛吧,不知道她最终是否体会到那个城市的味道。
     
    没想到这日子一混就到过年了,这一年全家经历了太多的痛苦,老妈说可能有四分之一的饭是在医院里吃得,外婆摔断了泪小管,叔叔骨折,爸爸动手术,表哥精神抑郁,现在爷爷又进了医院……记得那晚跟同学聊到1点,本来一颗想在外边闯荡的心突然的软了下来,脑海中父母的白发皱纹挥之不去,那么迫切的想回到父母身边。她说一切都会好起来的,希望吧。
     
    明天爷爷的手术一定会很顺利的,一定……
     
     

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